Cassie Q

Abysses Of Love And Death


Have you ever had something so bad happen to you that it divided your life in a before and an after? That was her to me.

She was all I've ever wanted to explore, every little corner, every dark secret pulling me in, deeper, lower. Back then, I wanted to draw something that would tell her what wonderful things she meant to me if she ever saw it, and I thought the drawing would be of something like a golden angel high above, but instead what was revealed to me was a spiral. She was the hole in me, the absence, what I longed to fall into. See, I didn't just fall in love, I also fell in death. Now I carry a little piece of death in me wherever I go, and I know I'll never be new again. Just like an addict I'm never fully recovered, just distant enough to move on and keep myself together, and I forget all about it just long enough to forget why I need to be forgetting, until I catch myself on the verge of the cliff and regain my balance one more time. And then I repeat to myself, it's fine, I'm fine. It's over now.

#love #depression

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