As soon as it started all I did was cry. I wouldn't let it show or affect my actions, but all I did was cry. Because although I didn't know exactly how it would end, I somehow knew it would do so in the most devastating way possible, over dramatic as that sounds. Growing into myself for these two decades, I learned that I could have many things, do all kinds of things, but the things I wanted the most were simply not allowed, and that's how it would always be, that was my own cross to carry for whatever reason. I had then very recently found a new place of inner peace and I couldn't believe I was actually giving that up for a chase down a rabbit hole. So I cried at the promise of the descend that I knew would soon follow.